Soweto Derby: Irrelevant Blockbuster

It speaks volumes of the Soweto Derby’s everlasting clout that people still care about it.

Kaizer Chiefs and Orlando Pirates have done absolutely nothing in recent times on the South African football landscape, with neither team winning official silverware since May 2015. That was when the Amakhosi won the Nedbank Cup, and since then, the Soweto powerhouses have watched on as Mamelodi Sundowns, SuperSport United and Cape Town City consistently challenge for and win some kind of trophy. It was peak trolling when no-name brands TS Galaxy won the Nedbank Cup back in May, ironically pipping the so-called Cup Kings of South Africa to victory. How the mighty had fallen!

At least with the Carling Black Label Cup, either of Amakhosi or Amabhakaniya can guarantee themselves some kind of trophy on a seasonal basis, though you know by now that I do not mean this flatteringly…

Would this mediocrity be tolerated by Real Madrid, Barcelona, Juventus or Bayern Munich fans? Manchester United have won a couple of trophies here and there since silverware master Sir Alex Ferguson called it a day in 2013, but we are all in agreement that they are a club in crisis. Liverpool won the UEFA Champions League in June, the team’s first title since the Carling Cup in 2012, which was a welcome relief for the highly entertaining underachievers of European football. The point I’m making is that these great football clubs are obsessed with cup glory, and anything more than a season without some kind of title begins to chafe away at the pride of players, management and supporters. This just does not seem to be the case with the Ghost and the Amakhosi.

After the former’s worst season in a generation back in 2017, they improved to consecutive runners-up in the league in 2018 and 2019 in the wake of the all-conquering Masandawana. I don’t know about others who might want to speak for themselves, but as a supporter, this is highly irritating. As the quote from Talladega Nights goes, “If you ain’t first,’ you’re last!” A lot of Pirates fans make themselves feel better about finishing second, but this is not in the DNA of the club. For good measure, Chiefs went through a truly wretched 2018/19, deservedly finishing outside a Top 8 position. Both clubs’ supporters are far too busy with the infamous #FriendsOf hashtag and laughing at their rivals’ misfortune, instead of realising that the game of football has moved on!

My question to the 80 000-plus fans who will turn up at Soccer City tomorrow for worthless bragging rights tomorrow is: why do you continue tolerating this mediocrity? Furthermore, when last did you watch a truly good derby? The Soweto Derby must be the only one in world football where the players are almost too scared to make a mistake, instead of realising that each clash is a historic match where legends are born and stories for the ages are written. In an alternate universe, one would hope for a stay-away, sending a message to the suits that substandard performances would no longer be tolerated. Such underperformance at big clubs elsewhere in the world would be met with a demand for a change in management. I don’t think a Real Madrid fan would stand for Florentino Perez stating that their club is a “family business”. Here’s looking at you, Bobby Motaung.

I really hope that the 2019/20 season will see a Soweto Derby having an impact on the unfolding plot of a dramatic cup and league title hunt. When last was this the case, huh? Exactly.